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Confusion leads to regrets
After awhile,I finally found someone who touches my heart,someone who I believe in,someone who understands me and most important cares for me.Saddest fact about him is that he is not single so things were difficult for us even we are just friends.But seriously cant a girl and a guy be just friends?Honestly,from the day I knew MR.M I am very happy,he brought smile to my life.People around us doesnt seem to agree with our friendship.I know I am being such a bitch for being close to a guy who has a commitment. I decided to leave him because his happiness indirectly is mine.I know I am gonna regret this,but seriously I tired of protecting this things we had between us.If I could turn back time,I will go back to the time I havent meet you.I am sorry,I have to let go.I am not strong enough to hold on.Thank you for all the memories you brought to my life xx I will never forget you :-) and now I can say it out,I do have feelings for u and I keep that with me.
Starts from the bottom and when are good at it,you will achieved something bigger
Memorable things starting to occurred since I stepped into
UUM.I was given so much opportunity to do things I love. I realize since I was
young I love being in the center of attention(dime light) I have always want to
be someone famous or well known by people around me. I know some people may
hated it but this is me,I love being on the stage. I love to take control of
things,I love to be leader,I love when people listens to me and I am satisfied
when things I planned worked. People may labelled me as arrogant,snobbish,fake
and all but this is me.Me without being the is something that isnt right. As I
grew up,I realize is not easy to be a leader.It is not just bossing people around
but also be responsible on all the decisions you have made.
Being the assistant manager of SCOHOST(Students club of
hospitality) does taught me tons of things that cant be bought by money.I still
remember when I first walk-in to the interview room applying for the position,I
was so scared. Time passed so fast,I am an assistant director of event
management department for a year already. My first big task in UUM is being the
informal MC for the annual dinner, starts from there I start to gain my confidence
to speak in front of the crowd. From there,I am brave enough to present in
front of the class consists of 200 students and with a killer lecturer
around.(best moment ever)
I hope more opportunity will come by my way either being a
MC or dancer I love it! Because being on stage is the real me. When I dance,I
forget about all the things and its just me and music…
P/s: on 4th October 2013, my first own produced,directed musical would be released!Finger crossed whether will it be good or not...
Words from my biases that motivate me
Kim JongIn(Kai) :
- “My specialty is dancing. My secret would be to happily enjoy it for a long time. Calling it a secret might be a bit too much but I don’t think there’s anything more important than enjoying it. No matter what you do, its easy to get scared if you don’t sincerely like it but you have to find the passion to enjoy it, and then you’ll be able to do it happily."
- ❝About five seconds before we were to begin our stage, I felt as if my heart would explode. I felt nervous, but listening to the screams of our fans was electrifying. It’s a feeling that can’t be put into words. Once we began our choreography with the music, I thought to myself, ‘So this is why I became a singer.’ I would have no regrets dying on stage.❞
Labels: exo, inspiration
Will loneliness finally move out from my heart?
They say the gap between our fingers is to be filled by our another half. I am searching for the special person who will fill the gap between my fingers. Is it really important when I can embraced the memories around me? I have heard enough people saying that a girl needs a guy to support her, to be with her 24/7 because girl is a fragile creature. But I believed this concept doesn’t suit me well.. To be honest I have never celebrated my birthday having a boyfriend, secretly I hope that this year would be different because this year is my 21st birthday.
But I know it very well that this year’s birthday would be just the same all
these years. Dear cupid,please do your work..Although I am happy to be in a
relationship with freedom yet I felt my heart is empty. God,I know you have
plan things the best for me,so I will just follow the flow!
The clock will always rotate and time will never stop for us!
Without realizing how fast the clock has rotated,I am now in
my second year in UUM.That makes me an official senior…*evil smirk* There is
one thing I want to share here.In my block(my hostel), we have the tradition
where juniors are supposed to collect all the seniors signature room to room.(Is
like signing a petition)The main reason we have this tradition is that we want
all the juniors to get to know the seniors who are staying in the same block
with them. I have a plenty of juniors knocked on my door and asked for my
signature.At a moment I felt like I am a KPOP star!haha..It reminds me of myself
when I first came in UUM.Life was so hard back then because I am so attached to
my mum and also my bbf-Azza Aziz who didn’t study the same place with me.After
so many months has passed,I finally have gotten used to the place.If I am asked
to leave this block,I might get sad because here..has became part of my life
and my uni story.
P/s:Without me knowing anything,I was selected to be my
block’s CULTURAL EXCO..Aigoo..I seriously have no idea with that freaking
position…OTTOKEY???!!!
Labels: Confession
When the heart and mind are speaking different language
Recently I am so confused with myself…There is someone who
left my life for a few years and finally we became friends again.I have been
thinking of him since then,I wondered if I still do have feelings for him like
when we were still in high school or the memories of him that make me attached
to him.Its weird when we havent talked for ages and suddenly we are texting
like almost everyday.I even told him my dreams,my future plans which I normally
keep it to myself.What makes me believe him so much that I told him so much
stuffs??
Is my heart too empty that when he walked in to my life
again,I just let him in without building any walls?I remember when he walked
away from my life years back,I felt like I have lost something that belong to
me.No doubt,he is the first guy that ever approach me when I was in high
school,someone who held out his hand to help me, someone who I used to have my
puppy love crush to…From an innocent kid,now both of us have grown up and
became a better person than we used to be.From the way he text,I can feel that
he had changed.
The fact that he is still single may be the reason I have
thought so much about him lately.Come on Carol!!!Stop thinking,he isnt the
right one for you.You don’t have to have crush on the same person
twice.Sometimes is better to befriends with people that you adore so that he will
lingers in your life longer.Anyhow,I am thankful that he is back into my
life,at least I have another friend to turn to when I am down,another person to
share my happiness.
Labels: Confession
Labels: quote
I am tired I cant sleep
I could hardly sleep at night and I wonder why...Too much caffeine in my system perhaps.Ottokey???I hate staying up at night because then I would start thinking about the past, those decision I should have make, so many what ifs and tons tons of memories would be floating on my mind.I have learnt to go of certain things but there are still attachments in the heart,those attachments are the things that I cant stop thinking at night.If only there is a medicine to cure my insomnia because it is not healthy for me and most important,DARK CIRCLES ALERT!No matter how many times I applied concealer on my dark circles,it would still be dark..I seriously don't wanna end up looking like a panda(human with panda eyes??what do you guys think about it?)
09/19/2013
Labels: Insomnia
“I used to think that I was all alone in whatsoever I am facing but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. ”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It's that easy, and that hard.”
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